Mannish

There are so many updates they can't be contained in one post.  The weekend was successful in that I was able to restore some order to my life and my relationship with Him.  Since I'm sure I'll be talking about him a lot I'll call him Mufasa.  So here is a list of the last few days as I attempt to sort out my thoughts and feelings into more meaningful posts:

• After my self attempt to convince him that he was wrong went the opposite way, I sought comfort in an old friend.  My best friend who I met in middle school called me out of the blue.  We hadn't spoken to each other in..probably a year or so.
• After speaking to her...catching up and letting my resent life events flow she helped me realize a few things. She put me and my situation in perspective and probably doesn't even realize it.  
• Her words along with his convinced me that I needed to do something.  Once I made the decision that the relationship was worth saving I went about the business of saving it.
• A coworker said something that often repeats when I feel like I HAVE to let Mufasa know that I am right and he is wrong.  "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy".
• I realize that makes it seem like I made my decision to go back and not run away because I was unhappy without him...that's partially true.
• I realized that I made a mistake.  I made a decision without considering the entire situation.  I walked away because it was easy, convenient and familiar.  He was not blameless in any of it, but for me to heal ME it became necessary to take care of my part and let him take care of his.
• We met for lunch but seeing him after almost a month apart and that hug that was supposed to be a quick cordial greeting turned into something so very different.  The stone walls turned into little white picket fences.
• He asked, "Why did you just leave"  I responded through painful tears, "It's all I know".  He lightened the mood by summing it up with "you are just like a little kid, get mad at the playground, take your ball and just go home so nobody can play...you're so mannish".  We just laughed at that point because he was right.
• At this very moment, its like nothing ever happened.
• I said before that you can't go through life with someone holding a mirror in front of you ever step of the way...yes you can.  Sorta. 
• There is NO relationship book/advice column/sister girl conversation/etc. that can tell you how to maneuver successfully.  You just have to do it.  It's like dancing and not being afraid who sees you or what they think about it.  Whether you have the steps down or look like a fool.  You just have to decide that you want to dance and then ... dance.
• If I do not continue to find ways to combat and remove these demons...they are going to continue to sabotage everything good in my life.

The quest continues...