- I should have always been completely honest with you. I found that difficult to do because doing so would have meant constantly hurting your feelings. I thought loving you involved protecting you and your feelings because you are so emotional. I owe you a huge apology for that.
- I should have told you that I wasn't happy trying to figure out how to operate around and within your complex emotions. I still tried though. Mainly because I thought that was some of what love was all about.
- I should have never gotten involved with (you) my best friend. If I hadn't allowed us to cross that line I would still have my best friend today. It hurts that I don't.
- I should have never taken on the task of helping you get your life together. I knew it would lead to me losing a bit of respect for you. When I told myself that it wasn't smart to date "struggle dudes" I should have known right then that we wouldn't last.
- I should have let you leave when it was time for you to go back. Maybe in the time that you were gone we would have both grown to a better place and then we could have tried our hand at love.
- I should have seen from the beginning that all the things you were so concerned that I may be doing that you were probably doing them yourself.
- I should have listened all those times something within me was saying that the whole thing wasn't right. I kept putting it off on my fears or commitment issues.
- I should have known that your issues were too big for me to assist you with.
- I shouldn't have held back on you the way that I did. Emotions are not my strong point and I am not good at letting go. When you kept complaining about that I denied it was an issue but now I realize that you were right.
- I should have stressed to you more that I am not good with relationships. My standards are basic but non negotiable.
- I should have told you that my three strike rule is ingrained. Its just how my emotions work.
- I should have been completely honest and mentioned that we never seemed to be compatible sexually. I wanted so bad for it to be but it wasn't. When you'd pick up on it I minimized it because I thought that I was just exceptionally difficult to please. That's not true but I was just hoping that eventually everything would get better.
- I should find a way to tell you that despite that fact that I now realize that we are not meant to be with each other that I still love you and that I miss my friend.
- I should remember that I did tell you that but your so caught up in your emotions that you don't realize that you are losing a really good friend.
- I should have told you that it pissed me off that I loaned you money for you and you gave it to your mother to pay her bills. It made me think "wow, so now I'm helping him AND his momma" and that took a few respect points away as well. But I kept quiet. I didn't want to rock the boat. I know things can get pretty touchy when it comes to a man's mother.
- I should have told you it bothered me that you put the car in your step fathers name as if you were afraid we'd fall apart and I'd want it back. I didn't because I realized that in your history things like that happened. I don't work that way though. I wanted nothing but for you to succeed. I bought you that car because without it you wouldn't have been able to get on your feet. I wouldn't take it back. I'm glad you have it and I hope it helps. I'm canceling your insurance soon though. We're cool but not that cool.
- I should have told you more often that I had a lot of fun with you. I truly enjoyed your company and conversation.
- I should have told you more often how sexy you are. Even though you kept saying that you needed/wanted to lose weight I loved you just the way you were. You were prefect to me. Your skin...flawless and the perfect shade of dark chocolate. Your eyes though full of pain showed such light. Your laugh always made me smile.
- I should have mentioned that I loved the way you said my name. I'm going to miss hearing you call me "baby".
- I should have known that it would end up like this.
- I should let you know that I have learned SO much in this time that we attempted to love each other. So much about me. You've helped me grow and helped me see a different side of the world. You've taught me so much. I will be forever grateful for that. You showed me how strong I really am. By not being there when I thought I needed you the most you taught me that I am so much more great that I ever thought I was.
There are so many things that I should have said or done. Ultimately I have to understand why we are no more and what to do so that I don't make these same mistakes in the future. Either way, I should thank you. If for nothing else but for being you.
Lesson Learned.
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